Today is a what day for me?

Awh, I have bad dream today, dream until I cry like hell.

I dream of him have crush with another girl, the first dream is my friend and the second time is his classmate. In the dream, he shows that he don't care of me even though I'm crying sadly. Well, in real life he probably will do so, I guess he get annoyed with me. :'(

So, this is the second time I dream of this, is that means this will really happen on me? If I really meet this situation in my life, I will really feel want to die..

Haiz, Guy is like that ahh, when the relationship just get start, they treat you like gold, but when times go on, they treat you like... Grass??? Maybe I just haven't meet the real guy?? So I shouldn't judge everyone in this way. But, the failure in relationship really makes me feel lack of confidence. It is so hard for me to stand up after I fell, however, I know have to do so.

Today I sits for Electronic Media exam, it is so hard! There is section a, b, c and d. Guess what, we have to write 2 script and complete others essay in 2 hours! It's really a challenge for me! I was rushing all the time to complete it, the every second is so important for me that time, like puting a bomb beside me. Guess what, the electric suddenly gone when we doing the paper half way! Can you imagine when the electric is gone in a college hall, luckily there is lightcome in when the door is open. This have make me feel really "surprising".

Now, I just hope I can pass my exam, If I fail then need to re-sit exam, then need to pay another RM80! (Bankrap le) :'''(

It has been a long time under my deep heart...

Today, my friend ah Jen called me. And we chat for almost 1 hours...

In this 1 hours, I have show her some of myself, the truth of me, and I cried.

Well, from the conversation, I realize that there is something of me which I didn't know. Kind of weird?? I always get to know more about myself from the conversation between me and my friends.

Ever since I enter college, I have protect myself with a barier. I don't show the true personality to my college friends, and this remain until now. So, why I don't really feel the true happiness in my college life, I think it is because of this reason.

And why is the barier couldn't be broken down? I guess it is because of what had happen to me before I entering the college. I scare to be hurt by the new friends I will be meeting.

Jen told me, actually there is a lot people who cares of me, just that I don't realize as I keep myself in the barier.

Yes, I agree with it. I can't feel they really use their heart and treat me, because I have keep my heart away from them... I'm sorry, I hope I don't, but I just don't know the way to do so. But atleast she have make me to realize I can't stay in this anymore, which I have to get away to release myself.

This is what Jen told me: "When you are running, you might fell down, but you have to stand up and continue the journey, if not you will be staying at the same spot forever, look forward and don't look back."

It is so true, Thx for waking me up... I will try to do it, just give me some time.. ;)

~Driving~

Finally, I get to drive alone, without parent's guidance. ^^

Haha, don't ever think that I really good in driving, actually my skills still... umm.. need more practice la! xD Especially PARKING!! WALAU! really don't know how to control the car la.. Aiyo.. so x qualified! xp

This few days also get to drive le, quite happy la... enjoy driving.. But I know after long time I sure lazy to drive la.

God, I pray to u, hope I wont involve in any accidents la. AMEN~ ^^

Our Story, 我们的故事。

坏消息啊，我和国梁暂时分开了。

自从开学了以后，我们的感情渐渐的出现了问题，这问题一直都没被解决，直到现在，这些问题都解决不了，导致小问题演变成了大问题。

这两个月里，我都独自一个人伤心，我再也不想告诉他我的心情了。他，对我也越来越冷淡了。说话的口气显得不耐烦，有时还给我一些脸色。我问自己，为什么事情会到这种地步呢？是我自己造成的吗？ 也许是吧。

我是个爱胡思乱想的人，什么都像一通，由东想到西，也许他就是受不了吧。我想，他跟朋友相处还自然过和我相处吧。他宁可把时间分给朋友及家人，都不给我，是因为跟我一起是在浪费时间吗？我跟他一个星期也难见上几次面，见面的都是在LRT上。我们都很少去拍拖了。一直以来，多数都是我提议要出去的，而他呢，提出的都是要跟朋友出去玩。他跟朋友说话总是有说有笑，而我呢？却一幅不耐烦的样子。而说出来的话，差不多都刺得我好伤哦，我已经好久没看到他微笑对我说话了。做一个女朋友做到这样还真是悲哀啊。

我们再也不是昔日的我们了。他现在对我所作的，我已感受不到了。也许，那份感情已经变成了责任吧，他对我做的只是一个男朋友对一个女朋友的责任而已，好勉强的感觉。

当我每次告诉他时，他总说我把事情复杂化，想太多，他不想谈这些事。看来他时不想经营我们的感情了吧。我一个人，怎能撑得住呢？？感情是要靠双方面努力经营的啊。但他却不这么认为吧，他只觉得我很烦而已啊。

现在的我，已经伤痕累累了，身心疲惫了。我真得越来越没安全感了，知道随时会失去他吧，因为作情侣做到这种地步，问题再不解决，都没意思了。

因此，我提出了暂时分开，希望大家在这期间能够好好地向是否要继续下去。希望他能认真地想吧。这可是最后一次机会了。本来我还想在考试过后才提出的，但我实在是忍无可忍了，我在忍下去恐怕会崩溃吧！而他呢？语气还是那么的冷酷，“随便你吧”。。。

那晚，我的眼泪又不受控制地流了下来。。。